I feel great
I just peed on a car
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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