Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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