I met the friendliest cop last night
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They took my balls.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
