If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
