i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
