Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vagina just clenched in fear
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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