MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
