I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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