In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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