I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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