we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
