i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
