First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
