I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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