I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think your dad took our porno
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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