I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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