I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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