explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
