The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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