I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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