Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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