it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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