You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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