i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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