sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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