He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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