yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
