I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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