i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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