No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
