Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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