and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
