We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
