There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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