just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am naked and annoyed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
