oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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