Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
