Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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