I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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