This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
