its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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