I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
