I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
