I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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