The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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