Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
