Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
