I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she peed on how many people?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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