My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
