I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
