I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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