well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
