every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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