Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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