he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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