Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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