Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
