how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
