I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
