i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
