like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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