when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
