He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
