Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
