420 ftw
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
