is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
