I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
