I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
