we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
