My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
