My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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