Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
