But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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